Tuesday, September 11, 2012


Dear legs,

I regret having to send this letter, but enough is enough. Maybe you never got the memo. Or maybe you just forgot because it doesn't feel like autumn yet and in your defense, it has been quite a while. So let me take this opportunity to remind you that we are supposed to be a bike racer now. Actually, it was supposed to be a week ago and due to your absense, beard and hands were hung out to dry. I have to wonder how you failed to notice how hands were out practicing for bike driving and beard was filling out in preparation for the coming season. What have you been doing? I have supplied you with all the tools you should need to succeed. Hard training, long rest, but you don't seem to take the hint. Well, moving forward, we have a long job ahead of us and it's going to be much longer if you continue to fail at your part of the bargain. Unfortunately I have to put you on the spot. If you don't get it together I am going to have to reconsider your involvement at this facility.

Sincerely your's
Bike Racer Dan


  1. Reply from Legs:
    Dear Bike Racer Dan,
    Seeing the growing splendiferous abundance that is Beard, we felt insecure and inadequate having only modest hair growth to cover ourselves. Seeing also the shaved, lubricated and well-nurtured lower limbs of the competition, we wondered if we were being hidden in shame and neglected and if so, why that could be. We began to doubt ourselves and wonder if we had been truly prepared to succeed in our calling. It seems that other Legs receive more care and love-in the form of lubricated razors, liniments, fine all-natural lotions such as shea and cocoa butter, embrocation, and even the occasional massage. Even Beard probably receives the odd combing here and there. And Hands-well, Hands don’t do half the job that we Legs do. We’re not saying that a steering wheel isn’t important, but without an engine there is nothing to drive.
    We respectfully therefore ask that you consider a more generous benefits package to complement our modest salary. With that additional support from you, we may be able to increase our productivity.
    Thanks, Boss.

  2. Hands don't do half the job legs do? Who do you think got us through the race saturday? Let's hear you say that next time you've over-cooked it into a hairpin.....actually, I take that back. I don't see you over-cooking anything anytime soon. You feel inadequate because you failed to fill out like beard but jealous that I don't take a blade to you and deprive you of the only thing you have going for you at this point. Shaved and lubricated? You want to be like those pretty boys or like beard? That's what I thought.

  3. Yup, those legs sure are confused. They don't know what they want. How's BEARD doing?